Bowen Theory is Back!!!!

Back by popular demand .....

Join me for a frank and engaging dialogue about Family Relationship History, and how it impacts the significant relationships we form as adults. This seminar will be based on Bowen Family Systems Theory and will present you with a new way of thinking about what it takes to create extraordinary relationships in your own life.

Together we will:

• Examine your relationship patterns & the forces that guide relationships.
• Explore the role you play in underfunctioning & overfunctioning with others around you.
• Clear up your "blind spots" as you create your best life!

Join me on July 22, 2009 from 6-9pm.

East Atlanta Branch Library

400 Flatshoals Avenue Atlanta 30316

Seating is limited, so be on time! Hope to see you there .....

A little something . . .

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind."

 -William James

3 Choices

In our day-to-day efforts to control our lives, we have three choices:

1. We can pursue our preferred paths in that which we hope will be a merry experience, enjoying what we can and fending off, in whatever ways we know how, the threats as they occur.

2. We can take our behavior and that of others for granted, saying to ourselves in a state of naive optimism that denies the possibility anything about it, "That's the way people are" or "It takes all kinds" or, as one factory worker told me, "That's the way I am.  I ain't gonna change for nobody."

3. We can try to understand what goes on in people's heads, including our own, and learn how we might use that understanding to ease the strains, ours as well as theirs.

-excerpt from "Consulting Psychology", edited by Arthur M. Freedman & Kenneth H. Bradt

Socrates said, "Know thyself."  The key to surviving in relationships is not so much about focusing  on the other person as much as it is about understanding what's going on emotionally, inside of you.  By understanding your own process, it's easier to recognize the emotional functioning as it happens in other people--this means you're less likely to become reactive to someone else's behavior.  It seems far fetched, but it is true that one person can change a system, country, or organization by simply changing him or herself. 

I believe that self awareness is the key to understanding those that you're in relationship with, and this is precisely what the 3rd choice is challenging us to do--take the courageous journey in an effort improve the quality of life for ourselves, and those whom we love.

Seeing the Complete Picture

I consider myself to be a huge movie buff, and there are a few TV shows that I regularly follow, so you'll find that I quote or refer to them often. Fox has a great new TV show called "Lie to Me" (Wednesdays, 8pm) which is about a psychologist who studies body and facial expressions.  During an episode that aired January 30, Dr. Lightman commented to an untrained, but gifted analyst that, "when you don't know the science, you don't see the whole picture." I immediately wrote the quote down and have been thinking about how it applies to the process of change and so many areas of life, in general.

There's a difference between knowing the science and having the gift.  Science is a systematic, organized study of a particular discipline, and by having a knowledge of the science, you can make predictions about what will happen in certain situations.  The gift, on the other hand, is an innate, supernatural ability that you were born with.  There is an organized body of information about change and transformation, but it's often hard to see the total development without an understanding of the science behind it. So if you were to ask me if  I'd rather have the gift or the science, I would pick the science.  I believe that as long as you have the science you can always improve the gift, but if you just have the gift, all it is is whatever exists at any given moment in time.  Tiger Woods is a great example of this principle-he has both, the science and the gift, and that's what makes him such an incomparable athlete.  In every interview he does, you always hear him say that he thinks he can get better.  He's always working to improve his game and not rest on his talent alone.  He studies the science of the swing, course management, and the science of putting and is constantly making changes to push his own limits and test new theories.  Knowing the science allows you to stay in a constant state of evolution.      

One of my  goals as a consultant and life coach is to give people another framework from which to analyze their current situation.  When I sit down with people, I give them "containers" to put their experiences in that are larger than the containers they've been using. When you analyze the information yourself, it's like putting everything into a small container and trying to make sense of it while it's all jumbled together.  As a Coach, I'm here to educate you about the science of change as a means of viewing your situation from a different perspective.  The courage to enter into dialogue and the trust built in dialogue often bring enlightenment.  If you're looking for someone to think along beside you, send me an email. 

Adapting To Change

Charles Darwin said that it's not the strongest or the smartest of the species that survive, but those that can best adapt to change. This idea accurately describes the many challenges that we're facing today. Between the crisis in the financial, job, and housing markets, everything that we've once come to recognize as stable is now in the midst of  extreme chaos.   This is a daunting time for most of us, since we have come to love stability and status quo because it is less stressful and anxiety-free.  But change does not come without anxiety or stress. It is only with a transformed mind that you can see the new order that is emerging out of this chaos.

The main  premise of Darwin's Theory of Evolution says that man is an evolving species and we are, therefore, wired for change.  The struggle to survive brings about the need to adapt in changing circumstances, so the challenge is to always remain open and flexible in the midst of the changes and transformations that are going in our world today. The problem that most of us face is that we make the change, but not the transition.  According to William Bridges (in his book "Handling Life Transitions"),  change is automatic, but a transition is hardly ever.  Change is oftentimes seen as a natural process, while transition requires a mental and psychological shift to handle the new reality (-ies) that one faces. This is the heart of transformation--a radical mental shift in your thinking.  

To be successful, you must understand that the only thing that is constant in this world is change. Those who are able to adapt to life's challenges will be the ones who set the agendas that the rest of us live by.  So think about where you are in your life today--are you struggling with changes in your circumstance?  How are you adapting to the change?