In our day-to-day efforts to control our lives, we have three choices:
1. We can pursue our preferred paths in that which we hope will be a merry experience, enjoying what we can and fending off, in whatever ways we know how, the threats as they occur.
2. We can take our behavior and that of others for granted, saying to ourselves in a state of naive optimism that denies the possibility anything about it, "That's the way people are" or "It takes all kinds" or, as one factory worker told me, "That's the way I am. I ain't gonna change for nobody."
3. We can try to understand what goes on in people's heads, including our own, and learn how we might use that understanding to ease the strains, ours as well as theirs.
-excerpt from "Consulting Psychology", edited by Arthur M. Freedman & Kenneth H. Bradt
Socrates said, "Know thyself." The key to surviving in relationships is not so much about focusing on the other person as much as it is about understanding what's going on emotionally, inside of you. By understanding your own process, it's easier to recognize the emotional functioning as it happens in other people--this means you're less likely to become reactive to someone else's behavior. It seems far fetched, but it is true that one person can change a system, country, or organization by simply changing him or herself.
I believe that self awareness is the key to understanding those that you're in relationship with, and this is precisely what the 3rd choice is challenging us to do--take the courageous journey in an effort improve the quality of life for ourselves, and those whom we love.
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